Virtual Confetti

I haven’t felt very motivated lately.  And when I say lately, I mean the past year or so.  I start projects but fail to complete them.  Fail… that’s an interesting word. 

I am a writer.  At least I feel like a writer.  I live like a writer, I enjoy writing, and I feel like writing is what I’m supposed to do.  But when I actually sit down and start scribbling… nothing.  I don’t have any major credits to my name, and my longest works are only a couple dozen pages of a screenplay or two.  Some may dismiss this as writer’s block, but I know there’ something deeper preventing me from being successful.  Whatever it is, it isn’t obvious to me.  Perhaps a fear of something?  It’s certainly not a loss of creativity.  I have several thoughts each day that could pan out into a good story.  No, this is something personal that’s preventing me from pursuing this goal.  Something is standing in the way of my happiness and success.

Success.  Am I fearful that I might actually be good at writing?  Might others enjoy my sense of humor or descriptive drama?  Possibly.  Growing up, I don’t remember any strong force convincing me that I would never be successful in life or become a writer.  If anything, most role-model figures in my life were more-or-less apathetic and indifferent. 

Failure.  I could write a masterpiece, pouring in all the talent I can scrounge up.  But what if it’s met with harsh rejection?  Was it really that bad?  Dare I put more effort into writing another one?

Criticism.  I can be my worst critic at times, but how well do I take criticsm from others?  Usually when people criticize me, especially if they’re experts in their fields, I take it to heart.  I want to improve.  But in striving for perfection, it can be easy for someone to knock me off of my pedestal.

The Unknown.  Embarking on a new quest, particularly an artsy one that doesn’t necessarily pay well when you first start, can be intimidating.  I have a full-time day job, along with a lifestyle that demands it.  House, car, travel, cats, and some side endeavors.  Changing careers may mean sacrificing some things. 

So those are a few things that may be at the root of my problem.  Of course merely writing this blog helps pull me out of my rut.  Whatever it is, I need to work past it.