I haven’t felt very motivated lately. And when I say lately, I mean the past year or so. I start projects but fail to complete them. Fail… that’s an interesting word.
I am a writer. At least I feel like a writer. I live like a writer, I enjoy writing, and I feel like writing is what I’m supposed to do. But when I actually sit down and start scribbling… nothing. I don’t have any major credits to my name, and my longest works are only a couple dozen pages of a screenplay or two. Some may dismiss this as writer’s block, but I know there’ something deeper preventing me from being successful. Whatever it is, it isn’t obvious to me. Perhaps a fear of something? It’s certainly not a loss of creativity. I have several thoughts each day that could pan out into a good story. No, this is something personal that’s preventing me from pursuing this goal. Something is standing in the way of my happiness and success.
Success. Am I fearful that I might actually be good at writing? Might others enjoy my sense of humor or descriptive drama? Possibly. Growing up, I don’t remember any strong force convincing me that I would never be successful in life or become a writer. If anything, most role-model figures in my life were more-or-less apathetic and indifferent.
Failure. I could write a masterpiece, pouring in all the talent I can scrounge up. But what if it’s met with harsh rejection? Was it really that bad? Dare I put more effort into writing another one?
Criticism. I can be my worst critic at times, but how well do I take criticsm from others? Usually when people criticize me, especially if they’re experts in their fields, I take it to heart. I want to improve. But in striving for perfection, it can be easy for someone to knock me off of my pedestal.
The Unknown. Embarking on a new quest, particularly an artsy one that doesn’t necessarily pay well when you first start, can be intimidating. I have a full-time day job, along with a lifestyle that demands it. House, car, travel, cats, and some side endeavors. Changing careers may mean sacrificing some things.
So those are a few things that may be at the root of my problem. Of course merely writing this blog helps pull me out of my rut. Whatever it is, I need to work past it.
Jefferson Feil is a producer/screenwriter living in the Los Angeles area. A California native, Jeff spends his time relaxing by his backyard pool, writing captivating screenplays, frightening his neighbors, entertaining his three cats with pretend mice, and exploring the versatility of common household items. He also dabbles in photography, voice acting, and kitchen fire management. His charm and sarcastic sense of humor create an eclectic mix of intrigue and sophistication, which pour through his literary works like nacho cheese. He is the recipient of several top honors, including the prestigious Mrs. Schumacher 5th Grade Perfect Attendance award.