Virtual Confetti

I love bookstores.  Usually you think of them as being stuffy and library-like, staffed with spineless, stuffy librarians.  But if you read between the lines, they are loaded with comedy.

Let’s start with this iced mocha thing  from the café… it’s a joke in itself with all the uncrushed ice blocking my straw.  Apparently, ordering it “Light” means they cut the fat, sugar, and electricity to the blender.  But that’s ok — bookstores are usually located in the hot open sun where I may need to keep my drink cold for several hours.

Even the mere placement of books can inspire a giggle, such as with the Sex & Sexuality section conveniently located next to the Addictions & Recovery section.  You’ll find these humorous pairings throughout the store:  Games & Humor next to Relationships, True Crime next to Politics, Religion next to Alternative Lifestyle, etc.  Such interesting pairings are not exclusive to the normal aisles, mind you. Even in the ad-hoc bargain section, some clever employee found it entertaining to stack Chronology of the Holocaust next to a biography on Himler.  Yes, even the bland, innocent bookstores cannot escape dark, sick humor.  Of course the best joke in there is that some author thought a biography on Himler would become a best seller.

Perhaps I should write my own book:  Making Books and Bookstores Fun! Now that’s a novel idea.

It started out as a staple of carbs. Simple, bland, but capable of sustaining life.  Early curmudgeons probably ate them raw like apples.  Eventually hominids learned to cook them, even season them.  And how warm and “mashable” they became!  Throughout it all, however, the potato has pretty much remained what we call a “side” to a main course.  It complements a meat and appears in menus alongside baked beans, broccoli, corn on the cob, and the like.  It’s the filler that keeps us from overindulging, and it keeps meals affordable. How… sensible.  Overlooked and unappreciated, poor potato has always been, at most, a sidekick.  And that’s even IF it is chosen over another side selection.

It was therefore inevitable that the potato would someday avenge itself.  Enter the stuffed potato.

The stuffed potato elevates this common starch into a main course.  In fact, I ordered one tonight to relieve me of guilt.   It was impregnated with chicken, which until recently was its own main course.  And as if to laugh in the face of tradition, it was stuffed with broccoli — a side dish in its own right.  Poor broccoli, doused in alfredo sauce and melted cheese to the point that it is no longer recognizable.  Should the meal be too cold, too hot, too saucy, too salty, too flatulent… it can all be blamed on broccoli, the fall guy.

Something magical happens when a potato is stuffed.  The skin, basted in alfredo sauce, becomes part of the meal rather than just protective shoe leather.  Its “eyes,” which were once considered defects, are now sequins of light, sparkling on the plate.  It has graduated from sensible to sensational!

It will happen soon, this author predicts, that other side dishes shall rise to glory. Perhaps out of eons of oppression or simply out of jealousy.  Stuffed zucchini?  You laugh, but it wouldn’t surprise me if that zucchini has been slit open and stuffed with mashed potatoes.